the dwindling woodpile
father’s last
breaths
Comment: a mournful and emotional piece of word that associates the desolation of a winter landscape with the father’s last moments of life. The unmarked cut (kire 切れ) at the end of the first line reinforces this link, while the structure (tsuzukegara 続けがら) of the poem itself makes the reader get an idea of depletion and inescapable ending.
It is an honor to be featured in Harusame. Thank you, Luca Cenisi, for your insights and for the opportunity to share my words.
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Beautifully tragic, Billy.
marion
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Thank you, Marion! It is amazing how six words can mean a lot.
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the dwindling woodpile
father’s last
breaths
Billy Antonio
Good example of when a strong enjambment can really work in a haiku. Love the opening line, which can tug so many of our memories, if we’ve encountered wood-burning fires in homes or refreshment areas.
Great work!
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Enjoyed the haiku very much, with a great opening line!
warm regards,
Alan
co-founder, Call of the Page
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Thank you, Alan! I appreciate your comment. I am also glad that you enjoyed it.
Sincerely,
Billy
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